Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!
READY FOR THAT TALK NOW?
A Play in One Act
by
Marsha Marie
(Copyright © 2017 by Marsha Marie)
***
Cast of Characters:
Marsha: An amazing beautiful well-preserved woman in her early 50's---at least that is how she sees herself. In reality, she totally grey, no teeth and a bit on the chubby side.
Sidewalk Sam: A fairly well-groomed, masculine-curved sidewalk outside Marsha's office in Tempe, Arizona.
***
Scene
Time
November 9, 2017
***
ACT 1
Scene 1
Setting:
We are outside a fairly modern office building right in the curve of an access road off of the main street in downtown Tempe, Arizona. A sidewalk hugs the curve and is married to the lengthy patch of beautifully fresh mown grass just to the south; the scent trumpets the air. Across the street the corner lot is an open field where the few rabbits and rattlesnakes come out to play at night. The sun is setting and the breeze is lightly carrying the dust for final round of arousal before dusk.
At Rise:
Marsha has just gotten off of work and is heading home after another day of training in her new position. She is delighted with her new life but it has been a long 12 hours and she cannot wait to get home to take off her black ballet flats. She has her over-stuffed tote bad in her left hand, and her black purse on her right shoulder. Her car keys are tight clutched in her right hand just ready to push the unlock button. The parking lots that wrap around the curved street are quiet and nearly empty with only the few work-a-holics left behind. The street lamps not lit but should be coming on at any moment.
MARSHA
Finally. It's about ten after 6, so I should get home by 7:30.
SIDEWALK SAM
Yea. That is great to hear; but what difference does it make to me?
MARSHA
Well, probably not much. But, anyway, how was your day today?
SIDEWALK SAM
It was great. Not too much traffic today. Actually, if I were to be honest, it was quite boring today.
MARSHA
Oh, too bad. Well, have a great night. I'll see ya in the morning.
SIDEWALK SAM
Hey, why don't you sit for a while and let's have a talk. You can enjoy this lovely weather we are having.
MARSHA
No way! I'm heading home. I'm hungry and have a long drive still ahead of me.
SIDEWALK SAM
Damn! Everyone is always in such a ficken hurry to go basically nowhere.
MARSHA
(trying to walk as fast as she can towards her car) UMMMM...... self-centered much?
SIDEWALK SAM
oh yea?!? How's this for being self-centered? (Just then the sidewalk pushes one of his squares upward with all of his might. He moves it three inches higher than the square just before it. Marsha doesn't notice this at all. She hits it with her left foot and falls forward. She tries to break her fall with both hands---but fails.)
MARSHA
(in slow motion) Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
(She hits the ground and things spill out of her purse and onto the sidewalk. SIDEWALK SAM snickers hysterically.)
SIDEWALK SAM
(laughing out loud) Hahaha. Now that is funny!
MARSHA
(looking up just in time to see a purple car pull out of the parking lot, she grunts.) Shit. Shit. Shit. Ouch!!!! My arm!
(She tries to get up but can't; the pain is too much. She sees a white truck down the road and has a glimmer of hope that it will come help; but it leaves, too.)
SIDEWALK SAM
Well. Are you ready for that talk now?
THE END
***
Yep. It's true. I fell down this week just like my little play describes (but of course minus the evil sidewalk). OMG! It hurt so bad. I am so out of commission this week. I hurt both wrists (again, this is my 3rd fall), both knees (bruised and skinned), left toe, left shoulder, right foot (skinned the top), and right arm (thank God I didn't hit my face). I literally laid on the sidewalk for ten minutes trying to figure out how to get up. I couldn't use my arms to leverage myself ; it really was quite pathetic. And I did see the purple car and white truck pull out and just leave me there (Hey, thanks for nothing drivers!)
There was no one around to help me. so I finally used my elbows to help roll myself over. I sat there thinking of what I should do. My right arm was really hurting.....I mean bad! But because of my new job, I temporarily lost my medical insurance and won't get it back until Jan 1, 2018, and COBRA and Obamacare want as much as my monthly rent ......so.....well......no emergency visit for me. I know I had to get myself up and get home, so..... so I took a deep breath, rolled over onto my knees and excruciating wrists, and made myself stand up. The pain was blinding. I screamed out like some kind of weigh-lifter trying to break the world's record. Afterwards, I took some deep breaths to try to relax, slowly gathered my crap that fell our of my purse and walked slowly to my car. I drove home with one arm; traffic on the freeway was so backed-up that I drove only 5 miles an hour anyway. Man, I could not wait to get home.
But the real fun started the next morning when I went to take a shower. It was horrible and hysterical at the same time. I was moving like a sloth with about 1000 ouches being yelled! I'm right-handed but my right arm was so f...ing painful. Just trying to pull my underwear up was like having to lift a tent over the Himalayas; and don't even ask me about how I got my bra on and off. It looked like something straight out of the I LOVE LUCY SHOW. (I wonder how people that are missing their arms are able to do anything.......how do they get dressed in the morning? It's such a mystery to me.)
How am I now, you're asking? ...........Well, keep in mind, this all happened on Thursday night, and I still cannot use my right arm properly. Everything else seems to be getting better, but I still cannot use it to push or pull anything and the pain in my wrist and up to my elbow is the same degree it was on Thursday; I can't even lift it above my head......not normal man. I have gotta get an x-ray done.
I guess I'll have to do an update to this blog in January.........stay tuned!
